I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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