drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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