At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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