btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
