oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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