my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
