I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
