your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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