i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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