It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
