yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
