highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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