Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
