just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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