On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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