There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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