I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
