why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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