i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
