I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
