It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
