I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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