Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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