i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
