my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
