She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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