it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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