his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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