Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
