Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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