Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i love accidental penises.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
