last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
