Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
