we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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