just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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