You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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