Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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