Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
