Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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