U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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