a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
