If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
