allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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