I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Did I show you my penis last night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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