So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
