So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
