Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
