you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
