I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
