I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
