i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
