let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
