That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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