'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
