I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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