Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
