careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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