I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
