Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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